Most people, when told that the pain will pass, immediately think “No! That will never happen.” It’s very difficult, when in the throes of an emotional crisis or suffering from long-term emotional trauma, to feel that you will be happy again.
Rejection, loss, and failure all contribute to—and cause—emotional pain. But there is no need to “own” this pain, and tell yourself you will never get over it, that your life is horrible, that you are horrible. You can change your mindset to actually learn from these negative experiences. We all carry some emotional baggage; the trick is not to over-pack. I hope by the end of this article you will see how emotional pain can change you for the better.
“If you can sit with your pain listen to your pain,
and respect your pain,
in time you will move through your pain. “
–Bryant McGill, Life Coach
Your Past Does Not Define You
Everyone has made mistakes. Some are big, some not so much. However, if you live in the past, everything becomes a major issue. You keep beating yourself with the “what if” obsession. That’s what it is; obsession. This results in a loss of confidence in your ability to make decisions because you simply can’t get past getting it wrong years, months, days ago. Keep in mind; what you did is not you. It is simply a decision that you made.
Small Steps Lead to Big Changes
Getting past your past, and becoming happy again doesn’t just happen overnight. As they say, baby steps. Don’t expect immediate major changes just because you wake up and say ok it’s all-good now. Start by accepting that your mindset is within your control. As a life coach in Baton Rouge, I’ve worked with numerous people over the years to help accept this.
Once you decide, “I will be happy,” then take the necessary steps to actually achieve that goal. Of course overcoming the negative emotional thinking that has held you back is the first step; requiring your learning to ignore what you can’t control, and focusing on what you can. This may require some professional help by a life coach who can help you “see” the situation for what it is, and help you learn to direct your actions so you are able to define your goals and understand that you can reach them.
Control What You Can, Forget What You Can’t
You can’t control everything, so don’t dwell on things you can’t change. You can control your thinking by moving away from the past and focusing on your future. You can’t control who your parents are, what your friends do, the traffic, or the weather. However, you can control your reaction to them and the meaning you attribute to them. You can get upset with the traffic, the constant bad weather or you can accept it and decide, why get angry over something that is out of your control?
Mistakes, Weakness, Loss, Rejection
These are emotionally painful experiences. No one enjoys making mistakes, and definitely no one likes feeling weak or rejected. Sometimes rejection leads to anger, sadness, bitterness, blaming yourself. A whole range of negative emotions can be a cleansing experience, but becomes unhealthy when these toxic feelings prevent you from accepting the situation and not internalizing the emotional pain.
Remember; what happened to you, what you did, does not define who you are. You are not your mistakes. Focus instead on your strengths; inner-criticism and rejection can be overcome, and with practice, ignored. You can even learn from negative reactions from others. How you handle it and taking control of your response makes you a stronger, emotionally healthy person.
The objective thinking of a life coach can teach you how to put all kinds of unpleasant situations into their proper perspective and make positive thinking an automatic response to various potentially emotionally damaging experiences.
Choose Your Life
Intentionally choose positive thinking and emotionally empowering responses to unpleasant circumstances or incidents. Some people have a natural resilience to move quickly past those situations that cause pain, guilt, and sadness.
If guilt is holding you back, then closure is necessary for you to emotionally heal, otherwise you be destroyed from the inside out. This could involve an apology if possible, or simply recognition that what happened, happened. It’s important to accept that or live with emotionally draining regret. You decide. Acceptance and the ability to determine how you handle unpleasant situations is empowering. Sometimes acceptance is learning to accept the apology that you never got. Get help in finding ways in which you can handle emotional pain and actually gain from your experiences.
SEE A LIFE COACH IN BATON ROUGE
Frank Hopkins is a life coach in Baton Rouge who is certified as a Professional Coach (CPC) by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). Frank has helped numerous people to go through emotional change in a way that is positively transformative. You can see Frank’s other website, www.frankhopkinlifecoach.com on line as well.