There are times when we see things that aren’t really there in someone or we long for more than someone can give. Life is a series of gambles and events; of missteps, successes, trial, and error. That’s what keeps things exciting!
Each time we have an experience, or miscalculate something, we have the opportunity to learn from what happened. Sometimes we read people incorrectly and care too much about people, when they don’t really care at all about us. Sometimes it can be really hard to see what’s going on in the moment. We all try and keep and eye out for the red flags, disguised as they can be, or attempt to read patterns, and discover the signs. Some people, we soon discover, aren’t as nice as we would like them to be. When ever possible, try and stay away from people who do any of the following things! Your life will be better for it.
They cared in the beginning
You know them, they are people who aren’t really your friends; regardless of what they say. They have their own agendas and only look to you because they think you can help them achieve them. Regardless of what they say to the contrary, it becomes crystal clear that they only showed interest in you to gain your trust and then they go off in their own direction wanting something in particular from you. Your mom was right, be very careful with those folks. Trust your gut. You may trust the wrong people from time to time, but not everyone with a need is like them. It really is them and not you. So don’t be closed off to everyone and keep yourself from finding new friends. When you realize what is happening, just get out of there as quickly as you can and find someone who really is interested in you.
They look so delicate
Yes, you knew it; they only wanted your empathy and compassion. You really didn’t have to be manipulated for them to give it either. Warning, if you keep it up, pretty soon you will be giving up parts of your life just to complete theirs. One day at a time they drain you, like vampires, they give nothing back but promises. They trick you by offering pieces of friendship, but never the whole package.
Here is a sign to look for: they seem appreciative of your input but they never actually follow your advice. They just keep repeating self-destructive patterns and they want to keep on repeating them with you if you will join them. Just say no.
They know what’s better for you
How many times have you told them your goals? Over and over again you tell them what is good for you. It gets to be a struggle for control because they never really hear you. They just don’t or won’t listen. It’s clear that they prefer control (who doesn’t) but this feels dangerous for you from time to time. It makes them feel better to have control of everything and although they appear to be listening, they never quite ‘hear’ you. You find yourself amazed from time to time at how quickly things can go bad. If your ‘friends’ always try to tell you what to choose in your life, it may be time to get new friends. The truth is, no one knows what you need better than you. Listen to your own good judgment.
Well, they seemed interested
You are right; they really aren’t around unless they reach out to you. On the other hand, when you need them they are never available. It winds up that they have all the control over when and where you see them. You have none. This really isn’t a friendship. People who care just don’t act that way. Real friendships make you feel better, not worse. It really isn’t any more complicated than that.
This all winds up meaning that you can refill those spaces in your life with people who can make you smile. They aren’t always going to be easy to find, but when you do find one, hang on to them; they will be your friends for life. One of them might even become your partner for life.
SEE A LIFE COACH IN BATON ROUGE
Frank Hopkins is a life coach in Baton Rouge who is certified as a Professional Coach (CPC) by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). Frank has helped numerous people to go through emotional change in a way that is positively transformative. You can see Frank’s other website, www.frankhopkinlifecoach.com on line as well.