I read a book the other day that made these suggestions and/or asked these questions of the reader:
- “Consider your circumstances
- Start small
- Have you taken full advantage of the opportunities offered to you?
- Are you working hard on your career, or even your job?
- Are you letting bitterness and resentment hold you back and drag you down?
- Have you made peace with your brother or sister?
- Are you treating your spouse and your children with dignity and respect?
- Do you have habits that are destroying your health and well-being?
- Are you truly shouldering your responsibilities?
- Have you said what you need to say to your friends and family members?
- Are there things that you could do, that you know you could do, that would make things around you better?”
The author went on to say:
“If the answer is no,
begin to stop doing what you know is wrong.
Begin today. Start right now.”
If you are like most people you are probably going to say, ”How will I know?” Well, don’t waste your precious time questioning how you know what you are doing wrong. I don’t care who you are, you do know. Inconvenient questions do nothing but confuse a person, and rarely offer any insight in their place.
You can just sense if something is right or wrong… without knowing exactly why. When you hear that voice, listen to it. Your entire existence as a human organism can tell you things that you just can’t explain or articulate if asked, but you do know. You always know. As a coach who associates with psychologists, I can tell you that people are just too damn complex to know themselves totally, and we all (yes, that means you) have gained, and contain wisdom of which that we aren’t even aware.
As a coach who associates with
psychologists, I can tell you that
people are just too damn
complex to know themselves totally
So just stop already! When you see, however dim or incomplete the feeling might be that you should stop, then just f*&%ing stop. Stop behaving in your inimitably dreadful manner, the one you have grown used to. It is your defense mechanism, but it is killing you. You know it—yes, you do—it is that thing that makes you feel weak, afraid, and ashamed. Stop all that drivel and begin saying and doing the little things that make you stronger. (See the list at the top of the page for starters) Do only the things that you can speak of with pride and honor. If you wouldn’t tell your grandmother, why would you do it at all? Consider that last question carefully.
You don’t know it, but you do possess good judgement. Consider that you can actually use your own standards. Don’t have to live by some external, contrived code of behavior, but do remember what your grandmother taught you about kindness. Life is bitterly hard and short and you don’t have time to figure it all out on your own, so if there are good rules around you, ones that make sense and feel proper and right, then use them! The wisdom of the past, which most older people have learned was hard earned, and your dead relatives actually do have something for you to carry forward. They still have things to teach. So does your pastor. Think about it…
If there are good rules around you,
ones that make sense
and feel proper and right, then use them!
Don’t blame the right…the left…socialism… capitalism… patriarchy…toxic masculinity…TV…or the evil of your enemies. Start with the little stuff…your stuff. Don’t rail against the machine…the state…the city…if your own crap isn’t in order. Start creating order in your own world. Start with the smallest possible thing in your life. Did you make your bed today? Does your car look like a homeless person lives in the back seat? Start with the little things first.
Try some humility.
If you can’t bring some modicum of peace and order into your own life, what makes you think that we would dare let you manage a town, for example? How dare you! How about you let your soul guide you? Let those things you’re not aware you know, set your path. Do it and watch what happens over the weeks and months to come. Are you brave enough to try? Try actually saying what you really think at work. Tell your wife, your husband, your kids, or grandparents what you really need, what you really want for yourself and them. When you realize that you have left something undone—fix it. Stop filling your life with excuses and your head with lies. When you do, your vision will begin to clear and your path will be visible. You will never see it if you don’t wipe your eyes and look.
Did you ever notice how you can always see the path behind you… the one in front of you is visible too… if you will only look.
Stop filling your life with
excuses and your head with lies.
Stop and go do that thing you forgot and then get back to what you were doing.
Your life will improve, your experiences will grow more rewarding as your actions become more authentic to you. Then once you have conquered that giant thing, that tsunami like event of starting, then you can see all the little crap that ruins things. You know what I mean; the more subtle things in life that you can improve (yep, you were doing them wrong too, you just never had the perspective to see). After months (how many months is unique to each of us) your life will become incrementally simpler and much, much less complicated. You will notice in retrospect that you have begun to untangle yourself from your past. You will grow stronger and a lot less bitter and resentful.
Why be bitter and resentful when you are in control? You will then be able to move into the future with a lot more confidence than you ever imagined. Your life will stop being unnecessarily hard. (Yep, that is what it is now, unnecessarily hard and you know it.)
You ask what you will be left with?
Well, this is it; you will be left with those inescapable tragedies of life that unite us all. But here is the good news, those tragedies will no longer fill you with bitterness and deceit. Sadness, yes; anger, no.
Over time, you will discover within yourself is that you are so much stronger now than you were when your soul was in the dark. You find that you are suddenly (it actually happened to you over time but it always feels sudden) able to handle those remaining unavoidable tragedies with a bit more grace than you ever imagined. Possibly you will have grown in yourself enough to see them as purely tragic instead of one of Dante’s Circles of Hell. A step in allowing them to fade, just like your anxiety, hopelessness, resentment, and anger, all fading. Maybe your freshly renewed soul will then see its presence in the world as a good thing, something to celebrate even in the face of your own shortcomings. Perhaps you can become first for yourself, then for your family, then for your community, a force for peace, a force for good, a force for the betterment of all you encounter. Yes, that could be you.
Over time, you will discover within
yourself is that you are so much
stronger now than
you were when your soul was in the dark.
Who knows, maybe you will live to see the day when everyone you meet learns to do such things in their own lives, and one person at a time, the world became a little less evil place to live. If you work hard enough on yourself, you may find that through your example, the world grows less heartbreaking. Imagine just for a moment that you taught everyone you know how to aim for, and in time, like you, to be their best. Give this some careful thought.
So, how about we get our own shit right before we waste our precious and so limited energy railing against the world. After all, did you make your bed today?
What would your grandmother say?
So, what do you think? Did you answer yes or no to the questions in the article? It can happen to any of us…
If you need to talk, give me a call and lets see where it goes… Schedule a time for a free call and tell me your story.
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