Post Less on Social Media And See Your Relationship Improve
It goes without saying that social media has become more popular today than anyone of my generation could ever have imagined. At times, it appears to be like a drug addiction. Give it a moment’s thought and answer this question: What would you do when you’re bored if your phone didn’t have all those apps, e.g., Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Tumblr? In some lives it has gotten to be so important that it overshadows the quality of a relationship and has even destroyed it.
Asking whether or not those relationships were stable or not is a different discussion. Before social media was the rage, people had lots of privacy. Now we have all gotten so involved with it all that we no longer recognize the border between privacy and what is being mindfully kept a secret.
Disagreements begin when one of you wants to keep the “relationship” from becoming “public” or “official” and usually it is social media that is used as the tool to make the statement. Otherwise it would remain private. The result is the one who wants to announce the relationship feels that the other is trying to maintain some sort of secret, and we all know that secrets are bad.
Now we have all gotten so involved with it all that we no longer recognize
the border between privacy
and what is being mindfully kept a secret.
Let me give those of you who feel you need social media to validate your relationship some advice; if you find yourself in that situation, perhaps you are in the wrong relationship…just sayin’.
Here and now
Did you ever notice that couples get so engaged with social media that they spend unnatural amounts of time posting about their relationships, and it turns out that they aren’t really happy in the first place? They don’t seem to enjoy things in the moment. Once out on their evening, they are CONSTANTLY updating their status; where they are, what they are doing, eating, drinking, rather than putting the damn phone down and enjoying the moment? Imagine being their “significant other.”
When you are in a relationship and decide together to keep it off social media, it lets you enjoy your time together, getting the best out of it, and having an experience that only the two of you can share. In this mentality, neither has anything to prove to anyone but their partner. Is it any surprise that they tend to be happier and more secure with each other?
Your partner, not social media, validates you
We all know couples who post all the time and create the image of the perfect relationship while in reality, they fight like cats and dogs. In real life they can hardly be bothered with each other, right? It happens more times than you might think. Sometimes folks are miserable in their relationship while they post these loving pics, and get a lot of “likes” and thus gain the validation that they fail to gain from their partner. It’s from their partner that it is due, but they put it out for all to see.
When you are in a relationship
and decide together to keep it off social media,
it lets you enjoy your time together.
If you find yourself in a relationship and you realize that it’s you that does this sort of thing, give yourself a break; most people have done one version of this or another from time to time. When you feel you need validation, it’s really important to remember that it’s your partner that you go to, and expressing your needs is how you start. Put the friggin’ phone down, take their hand in yours and talk to them; just talk. Communication is the key.
It isn’t any of their damn business anyway
When you get all mad at your significant other, refrain from using your social media status to announce the problem to everyone you know. It isn’t about those folks; it is about you and your partner. Do you really want all of those ugly comments on your feed anyway? Let’s admit once and for all that they don’t know what they’re talking about; it is only you and your partner whose opinions matter. Their claptrap is irrelevant. They act like they care, just so they can turn around and post/gossip about it. Now ask yourself, how does THAT help your relationship? Gossip, gossip, gossip….
Soon, everyone you could care less about knows the intimate details of your life and that is how really ugly rumors start. Shame on you! Try and remember that the relationship is for both people, and it’s really important to keep some things—actually lots of things—private.
Social media pressure
Social media designers never intended for it to be used as a comparative diary. Today there are people who wake up and can’t do anything in their lives before they check in and post for the morning. Did you ever notice it is usually about their personal life? Like the ones where one or the other in a relationship posts that their partner isn’t “acting right” this morning. Then their hundreds of “friends” swoop in and all leave their advice for the wounded one. When you think about it, this person has not only shared a private detail with the world, but in one step has embarrassed both themselves and their partner. Often people don’t really understand the influence social media has on those around them. When the couple makes up, will they make it a point to post how much better things are? I can’t even imagine how wearying it must be to feel the need to update the world constantly about the happenings in your life.
Often people don’t really understand the influence social media has on those around them.
I know, not every relationship, work or personal, is full time peaches and cream. You will certainly trip up on disagreements and disappointments. But please remember, your personal relationship is private; it might even be so special that you consider it sacred. Do your best to keep private things private. Just put the damn phone in the credenza and enjoy your partner; you never know how long you have.
SEE A LIFE COACH IN BATON ROUGE
Frank Hopkins is a life coach in Baton Rouge who is certified as a Professional Coach (CPC) by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). Frank has helped numerous people to go through emotional change in a way that is positively transformative.