I’ve been helping gentlemen improve their romantic lives for a few years now. I have read lots of articles on what women find attractive in men and have found them very useful in my work. I’ve even written a few of them, and you can find them in my blogs on this site. It struck me as curious though, that I rarely come across articles that address what men find attractive in women. Is the 21st century dating so askew that it’s enough for a woman to just “show up,” or are we men so shallow as to faint merely at the sight of a nice head of hair and a shapely body?
I won’t make you laugh and deny the fact that it really is true for a lot of men, but here’s a spoiler alert: For a gentleman, there is more required than mere good looks.
Now I can’t speak for all men of course, but here are a few of the things the gentlemen I work with all find extraordinarily attractive in a woman.
How Kind Are You?
This might sound like a bit of a platitude, but true kindness it less common these days that you might think. Sure, you get people who are nice to the ones who are nice to them, but how many people do you meet that would go and talk to a lone stranger crying in the subway? A gentleman doesn’t want to be with a woman that’s only nice to him, his friends, and his family. He seeks out someone who can brighten up his day by brightening up the lives of everyone she meets.
We all have the power to improve someone’s day just by smiling at them. Most people know this and if you are interested, it’s knowledge worth using often, because it makes you as a woman more attractive in men’s eyes. Research indicates that men are attracted to smiling women. A truly natural smile conveys messages like optimism and stability which are unquestionably qualities desired by a gentleman.
Positivity and Sense of Humor
A gentleman knows that it’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your own happiness a priority. One of the most important things in a relationship—romantic, business, or otherwise—is the ability to have a good time and a good laugh. Taking care of your emotional hygiene and the quality of your mood should be a priority. If you don’t, who will? Only then you can live life optimistically, brightly, and with a fair dose of humor. While I never hold any “significant-other” to the comic standard of say, Maria Bamford, a gentleman will love spending time with a woman who can live life one day at a time, take a joke, and make a few of her own.
Do You Have a Passion?
This might sound like a tall ask to some, but many a gentleman can use help from time to time needing inspiration to be happy. Men today see a lot of unhappiness in the world. For most gentlemen, there’s no feeling in this world as attractive as being inspired by a woman who’s passionate about her pursuits in life.
You could be a world class cellist, a cardiologist, or the best 4th grade teacher in town, the minute we see your eyes light up talking about what you want to achieve in life, I guarantee most gentleman will soon be falling hard and fast. You’ll rarely be bored together, because there is always a topic to talk about with a woman who is passionate about something.
Getting Along With His Friends
A client repeated an old Chinese saying in my office one day:
“A man that has a wife who gets along with his friends will have a long and pleasant life.”
I suspect that my client might be lying about there being an actual saying, yet I must say that it really is a beautiful thing to be around a woman who can get along with your friends and just be “one of the guys” when she wants to.
How’s Your Confidence?
Nothing is more attractive than a confident woman who doesn’t pretend to be someone she’s not. I don’t know about you, but most gentlemen enjoy the company of people who are happy being themselves. You see, it’s not just women who respond powerfully to a confident partner; a gentleman will prefer being with a woman who stands up for herself and what she believes in.
Being Comfortable With Your Sexuality
There’s been a lot said and written about what’s sexy and, more specifically, on what makes a woman sexy to most men. I don’t think I need to dwell on those intimate details here. But I will say that to most gentlemen that I have worked with, what matters is not what a woman wears beneath the sheets or what she’s into when she is there. It’s the fact that she’s comfortable with her own sexuality and aware of her sexual energy. Romance is just so much more fun with a woman who knows what she’s into and isn’t ashamed about it. A person’s sexuality is a big part of their human nature. The sooner you embrace this side, the better and more attractive partner you become.
Most gentlemen would like a woman to know two things:
- Who she is
- What she wants
One of the most common complaints I hear about men and women alike is that they don’t know what they want and don’t take responsibility for their own decisions. At the end of the day, a gentleman will be willing to lose the battle on where to dine or which movie to should watch if he knows that he’s with a person who’s strong enough to be decisive and ask for what she wants.
Have Your Own Sense of Style
Here’s the thing: Research has shown time and time again that men are very much visual creatures. It’s just how we’re evolutionarily programmed. Something that most gentlemen love in a woman is a unique sense of style. I’ll admit that I tend to gravitate towards certain stereotypes—business elegant for me. A gentleman will look up whenever he sees a woman who has the sense of style that he finds attractive. There is someone for everyone, so just be yourself and go out into the world with the style that is yours and yours alone.
There will always be those men who base their feelings on the superficial, the sexy, the over all, of a woman. However, these things change over time. A gentleman goes deeper, to appreciate a woman as a unique human being, outside and in, but primarily he knows the person inside the changeable outside. And he won’t be satisfied until he develops a sincere appreciation for the person within. This will make for a lasting and genuine relationship based on respect, appreciation, and genuine love that will last.
So folks… lets quit being silly and call things what they are and just acknowledge that some thing are attractive and some things aren’t… the excitement is in finding someone who appreciates and supports the attractive things about you and your life. Then you have something that just might last a lifetime.